I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
