I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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