College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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