Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
