So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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