I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
