Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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