No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
