Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
