if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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