her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
