There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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