One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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