everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
