i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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