Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
