Kiss
Puke
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
