I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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