TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
