either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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