Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
