He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
