I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
