the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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