porn star boner night. come get it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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