you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
