A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
