Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
