I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
