You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
