peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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