I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
