I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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