It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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