Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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