Don't make out with my wife yet
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
