Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
you never un-have a 4some
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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