I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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