3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
