just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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