youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
