ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just threw up on my dentist
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
did i walk over a car last night?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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