So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
