This girl is more easily done than said...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
