were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm like, not good at living.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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