you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm getting married
To pizza
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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