I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
