Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
