So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
