sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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