Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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