how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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