You can't motorboat a personality
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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