fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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