yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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