Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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