That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
