I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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