Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize