Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
