I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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