after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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